Should I stay in a relationship because I am pregnant?

Don't listen to friends because they only can see from their end and what you have told them. Only you can weigh in both ends of the relationship. If you feel like your relationship is at a stand still and it needs to move somewhere then the best thing to do is communicate but be sure that he's ready for the conversation so that you know you have his full attention. Explain to him fairly what you need from him and what you want to get from the relationship. Also give him the chance and really try to understand his views. The only way a relationship can work is through healthy communication, understanding and empathy, and compromise. No one can have everything they want in the relationship you have to be willing to give a little. It's a lot easier said than done because you need both participating fully. Good luck with your decision in the end only you can make the decisions for you and your children. Ask yourself the most important question can you be happy without the marriage? If the answer is yes then what's best for your children?

Answered by Tiffinyd {155}
3/13/2010 9:28:26 PM

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I kind of agree with that response, but then again I don't. The reason I don't is because I have been in your shoes. I was in a relationshio for years, we always talked of marriage but when it came down to it there was always an excuse. I had three adorable children with this man. I fooled myself into thinking that everything was ok. Your relationship may be different and you guys may be a truly happy couple. I wasnt. When I finally stopped to look at how my life was going I realized that something was really wrong. He only truly loved me and wanted to talk about marriage when we were arguing and I was threatning to leave. He was afraid of letting go and I was afraid of being alone and the thought of being alone with three toddlers made it worse. My conclusion ended when I found out that through our whole relationship he was actually falling for other women. That was my big slap in the face. I do agree with the other comment because if you guys are truly happy and have been without being married then what really is having a piece of paper going to change. Step back and evealuate your life with him. congrats on the new baby, Im right along with you.

Answered by daisymom {128}
3/15/2010 8:37:02 AM

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As Tiffinyd said, I think you should really take a look at the relationship and decide whether or not you are happy. I don't necessarily think everyone needs to be married to be happy and to have a successful relationship. For example, my neighbors have been together for 11 years, they have a son together, they purchased a house and cars together, but they never got married. They are very happy and their relationship is very successful. Their son wouldn't know the difference.

Just the fact that you are asking this question, though, raises a red flag. Perhaps you are noticing that something is lacking in the relationship. This means you should closely examine your relationship.

Don't make any quick decisions though. There is a baby involved and no matter what, I'm sure you want that baby to know his/her father.

Congratulations and good luck!!

I have to agree about the red flag. One thing I'm wondering is about his side- he proposed, but now doesn't seem to want it. Perhaps he is afraid of commitment? - NatMikey 3/22/2010 11:45:39 AM | Flag

Answered by DirtyMonkey {108}
3/17/2010 2:17:10 AM

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Agreed that your relationship needs to be good and if you are happy then that is what should matter. BUT what I'm wondering is where he gets off proposing to you and then letting you hang for FIVE YEARS!? Here's the thing. Try this book, I can't remember the name of the authors but it's called Love Languages. There are a few others by the same people that have similar names. This is the one that I came across (per my sisters recommendation after my husband and I were at our wits end with each other shortly after our first daughter was born.) It will teach you a way of getting exactly what you have on your mind and feelings across to ANY ONE!! I swear it works. My husband is so quick to judge and has the shortest fuse ever. I always felt so bottled up with him because he would get frustrated with me before I could get across my true feelings about any thing. It was horrible!!! To the point of me thinking about leaving him (after only 3 yrs. of marriage). The one thing that made me want to fix it no matter what was our baby girl who loves her daddy SO much. If you want it to work bad enough, you will work for it. Try this love language stuff out. It so works!! Good luck!! I'm sorry you are in this position.

Answered by Regina {528}
3/22/2010 4:58:20 PM

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You have to be the one to decide. Do what you feel is best for you and your children. Dont stay because of the children, sometimes that makes it worse. Also if you decide to leave tell the children that it doesnt mean they have to stay away from him that they can still be friends.

Also know that YOU SHOULDNT LET YOUR FRIENDS PERSUADE YOUR decision. Always take the advice they give but that doesnt mean you have to use it.

Do what you think is right. If you are both responsible, he will be in your child's life regardless. You should only stay with him because you both want the relationship to work, not because you are having a child together. It might be hard but you should do what is right for both of you and this will be what is right for the baby. - cidae 4/10/2010 8:37:43 PM | Flag

Answered by PrincessAlayna {154}
4/1/2010 11:48:42 AM

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Five years is a very long time, and it seems that you've been more than patient, you love him, and have continued to build a family and a relationship. If it were me, I'd sit down and have a frank discussion about how hurtful his lack of willingness to make a commitment is to you and to the family. It's time to put your foot down and take control of your life, and what YOU want. In the end, that's going to be what's best for the entire family, anyway.

Answered by smcharlton {69}
4/13/2010 1:51:38 PM

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Never let anyone tell you what to do. However, just ask yourself if you would be able to walk away with out wondering if you made a mistake. Obviously this man is going to be in your life in one way or another, and you do not want a forced marraige because you gave him an ultimatum, but you do want to be married. If you have different desires in life then it is only fair that he makes his clear to you and doesn't string you along with the promise of a commitment. But before you walk out the door or kick him to the curb just make sure that you will never regret it because it would harm the children more if he went away and then came back because they would always be worried that he would leave again.

Answered by ShanaJ {154}
4/13/2010 8:55:00 PM

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Ultimately the decision is yours. It seems as though marriage is something you want from this relationship and it appears that's not what he wants right now. As smcharlton said you don't want to force him into marriage with an ultimatum, but you also shouldn't compromise what you want for him. You need to look at the overall relationship and decide what's best for you and your children. I think the best thing before you decide is to sit down and talk with him about how you feel, and the fact that you'd like to get married soon and explain how important it is to you. Look at his response, not just what he says but also how he says it and his body language, it can tell you lots. If he's still not willing to agree to that commitment after you tell him directly that it's something you need at this point in your relationship, then you'll know where he stands and you'll have to decide if you're willing to stay with him without marriage. Good luck, I hope it works out for you.