What do you do about a fatherless child?
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Asked by Cherries {35}
8/10/2010 11:33:34 AM Before I found out I was pregnant, I ended it with my boyfriend. After I found out I was pregnant, I told him. He said it wasn't his, but if it came to be his, he would get a lawyer and take my child away (I know there is no way possible he could do that because I have my life together and my daughter is in no way harmed). It hasn't happened yet, but he knew when I was due and had my phone number, knew where I live, basically knew everything to get ahold of me. He had moved and quit his job and changed his phone number...so I had/have no clue how to get ahold of him. But I did manage to find out he was engaged with another baby on the way. They had their baby 3 days after my daughter turned one. I have still yet to contact him. I'm scared. He lives or lived a very different life then what I want for my daughter, I know when she is with me I can (for the most part) protect her from negativity. I don't know what I should do. I want her to know who he is, and if she or he wants nothing to do with each other thats fine, but I don't want to contact him when shes still this young because I don't want him to put her life in jeopardy. I don't financially need his help, but I don't want to neglect my daughter from her father. Any advice? 
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 |  Answered by pman {18} 8/10/2010 11:16:19 PM | [0 Votes] Vote this up Flag as inappropriate |
dont go after him. you will be locked in with him for the next 18 yrs. and he can drag you to court for any little thing. if you can manage on your own with your little girl then let it be and just enjoy her and your life together. i am in the same boat, my son's father left 2yrs ago and has never seen him. he tells people he isnt' the father.. but i have a voice mail messages and emails stating he is. i wont go after him for support even though making him pay for things would be sweet justice, but not worth it in the long run. and my son's safety and well being come first. all the money in the world could never pay me for that. someday my son will ask and i will tell him the truth, and if he wants to go and find him he can. it is his loss. ... dont put yourself thru it if you want her and you safe.. karma what comes around will eventually go to him. my son's family told me that my son and i aren't any concern to them at all. nice huh? so i struggle and my son has some medical issues i am trying to deal with .. it isn't easy but you will get thru it! |
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Read my response. But if the father is already on the birth certificate, it makes the medical part easier as his records can be accessed. Just because you get support for your child does NOT obligate you or your child to the father - especially if he is a threat to your child's well being. However HE will still have to shovel out some responsibility for the next 18 years or so depending on college etc. Nothing like them deadbeat dads. But don't be afraid of him, you can get your support and not have to even deal with him. Courts aren't stupid. 98% of the judges know the tricks and tire of it quickly. I've seen guys get jail time for wasting the courts time dragging the mommy's in as a form of harassment. If you feel it start to happen, mention it From the start, and believe me - that tactic won't last long. - ExoticDiva77 8/26/2010 3:25:51 AM | Flag |
|  Answered by ExoticDiva77 {54} 8/26/2010 3:16:40 AM | [0 Votes] Vote this up Flag as inappropriate |
File for child support. As long as you are a fit parent, he can't take your child from you. Especially after so long has passed. It's your child's natural right to have a complete birth certificate if any medical issues or concerns ever arise. When you file for child support - they Will locate him. And they also help you get all the issues ironed out including your concerns. If you dont have a restraining order, than make sure the courts and child support counselors are well aware of your concerns - even if you have to mention it a dozen times each visit.
*** If he is a threat to your child - get a restraining order. Never leave that door open for him to put your child's life at risk***
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Comments from Facebook | ||
 | Stacy Walther This is quite a conundrum. My first reaction to your story is to trust your instincts. You know more about her father than what you can get into. If you feel he would put her well being in jeopardy, then you have to take the step to keep her safe. Wednesday, August 11, 2010 | |
 | Kristen Kayfus She is number 1. I am a single mom with an ex husband who is a drug addict. I left him when my kid was 7 months old. She turned 2 not even 2 months ago, he has seen her 6 times since I filed and the last was Halloween, almost a year ago. There is a difference between a sperm donor and a father and we need to focus best on the kids well being. We owe our kids NOTHING when it comes to their father, they are making that decision for us. Focus on her health and happiness, her father doesn`t Wednesday, August 11, 2010 | |
 | Yolanda Balbin Be strong. My ex has always threaten me with that. No judge will ever take a child away from their mom. Keep ur head up and hopefully you have support from family and friends Wednesday, August 11, 2010 | |
 | Jennifer Lejman I agree with everyone else here. Her safety is your main concern. My ex husband and I separated after our son was 3 months old because of him being arrested for internet stalking of a minor. We divorced a year later and he has only seen him once since then. I think you`re doing the right thing by not forcing him to see her and vice versa. These young years don`t last long so enjoy them with her and leave the sperm donor out of it. Wednesday, August 11, 2010 | |
 | Ann Marie my sperm donor is in the army as a medic we still talk and im excited when he`s around her it warms my heart and i have had issues in my own head that he would hurt me hell he left me and when i found out i was pregnant he didnt want it at first. granted he was in bootcamp and apparently losing his mind with the stuff they were training him on. (pretty basic feelings i guess.) we`re still close but there`s always that fear that since he`s got money and right now my jobs are terrible and i cant Wednesday, August 11, 2010 | |
 | Magaly Sanchez Always trust your instincts. He doesn`t seem to care to know if the child is his, so let him go. Don`t try to force a relationship. The only reason I`d seek him out is for child support. That`s where the plot thickens... Because he should provide some support for his child, it`s only fair. Even if you don`t need his help financially, you could always put that money aside for her. Best wishes. And you know what the right choice is. All we can do is throw out suggestions to possibly give you a dif Wednesday, August 11, 2010 | |
 | M Nicole Morrow You can and should make him take a paternity test, pay her support (even if you put it in savings for her for the future). I found my Biological dad on here, 33 years before I met him on my 34th birthday. The best thing you can do is be honest with her about him when she is able to understand. Don`t worry about him trying to take her, he seems like he`s in his own little world busy populating it without a care or reprocussion. Wednesday, August 11, 2010 | |
 | Ulondaa Feistner DUH D.N.A. Wednesday, August 11, 2010 | |
 | Raya Sunshine That man doesn`t sound like he loves or cares for either of you. Don`t try to put your daughter into that misery if you don`t need to. If you need help raising her, get him for child support. If you don`t need monetary help, move on: build a family out of love and maybe you`ll find that nice guy who will love you AND your daughter. A negative/hateful father is worse than NO father at all. The emotional pain and the negative traits that a relationship with a negative parent could cause in your da Wednesday, August 11, 2010 | |
 | Jaime Wynkoop fatherless children is a growing epidemic in this country. Men need to step up and take responsibility for making children...much of what deadbeat dads do is a learned behavior, as they themselves had either no father, or an absent one. it is sad, and things have got to change. My husband is an author and has a book coming out regarding this very topic, as he was a fatherless child...and is now a wonderful father. the cycle CAN be broken. Look for his book on amazon, named after our son: Thr Wednesday, August 11, 2010 | |
 | Marilyn Bentley been through a similar situation . . . tried everything to protect my child. Wednesday, August 11, 2010 | |
 | Mary Rossman I feel your pain. My daughter`s sperm donor and I split up when I was 6 months pregnant because I found out he was using drugs. He became aggresive, abusive, and started to stalk and harrass me and my parents. He stole money, household items and even things people had given us for the baby out of my parent`s house and my storage garage-all to support his drug habbit. I filed child support when she was a week old because I felt he should have to do something to help raise her. She turned a year Wednesday, August 11, 2010 | |
 | Katrena Dixon THEY ALWAYS SAID MOMMAS BABIES,DADDIES MAYBE SO MY KIDS R MINES!!!LUV EM 2 DEATH!!!! Wednesday, August 11, 2010 | |
 | Kimberly Henlein I am in a similar situation, my ex and I had a dramatic break up after 5 years last summer, almost 2 months later I found out I was pregnant. He nwas dating someone else at that point and first said it wasn`t his (which he knew was bs), wan...ted nothing to do with the situation and said I would chase him forever before he would pay and that since he owns his own business so he could hide money and I wouldn`t get what I should, or that he would take custody of the child (which I think would be n Wednesday, August 11, 2010 | |
| Raya Sunshine I`m with Kimberly... Wednesday, August 11, 2010 | |
| M Nicole Morrow Please, don`t do that to your child unless the guy is an abusing ...I don`t need to finish that out. What you are doing is starting a huge chain that will be hard to break. YOUR CHILD has the right to know who his father is and belive it or not your ex has the right to get to know his child, it`s not about money, it will have far more devestating and profound effects on him. Your kid may or may not forgive you in the long run but I can tell you first hand you will go through major fights and tim Thursday, August 12, 2010 | |
| Magaly Sanchez You can`t force anything on anyone. I know of a guy who lives with his wife and child (4 yo) but wants nothing to do with them. Here`s where its better to come from a broken home than to live in one. He says ugly things in front of the child, has said he`s sick of her and his wife, and F*&#@$ them both!!!! I`d rather provide a healthy home away from this or any type of abusive environment. If a person doesn`t want to be a parent you can`t force it and it can breed tremendous resentment amo Thursday, August 12, 2010 | |
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